Need advice on passage!!!!!?
Can you give your thoughts on this and help to improve it:
‘The dagger plundered deep into the warriors chest leaving a dark red stain tumbling from the wound. Pandora’s vision faltered her and turned a deep red. What seemed like seconds to her turned out to be hours for others as she sat on a near quiet field, surrounded with bodies many dead but some alive unable to hear their calls cried. The only sound was that of the birds feasting on the forgotten bodies of those fearsome solders that had risked their lives for a war that they knew nothing about.’
This was just a spur of the moment btw
I don’t normally write like that but thats how i think
‘The dagger sank deep into the warriors chest and oozing blood began to stain his shirt red. Pandora’s vision blurred and what seemed like seconds to her turned out to be hours for others who sat in the now quiet field surrounded by the bodies of the dead and dying. The only sounds were the whimpers of the wounded and the cries of the birds that feasted on the bodies of forgotten soldiers who had risked their lives in a war not of their making.’
Vertical Concrete Walls with Urbancraftsman’s Acid Stained Tumbled Tops
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World Imports Lighting 8386-96 Montpellier 2-Light Flush-mount 13-Inch Fixture, Tumbled Bronze $98.00 Montpellier 2 Light Flush Mount in Tumbled Bronze – 8386-96… |
